Once again, where to start....
A few weeks back, Bartley went in for his regular physical. We figured that since we've met our insurance deductible with all of my doctor visits and tests lately, that he should go ahead and get his yearly physical done before our deductible starts all over again. Turns out, his PSA level was high so they ran a follow up test, which was also high so they did a biopsy.
On Friday, we received the news that they'd found a small amount of prostate cancer. The good news is that it is only Stage 1, a very small amount was found, we caught it early, and it is not life threatening. We have many things to be thankful for. The doctor assured us that this is not a "get your affairs in order" type of situation, however we still have some decisions to make regarding how we want to proceed with treatment. No treatment is perfect. All of them come with various risks and potential side effects, some of which, could be long-term.
We are not afraid for Bartley's life, which is a tremendous blessing! And yet, my heart aches at the thought of the struggles that may (or may not) lie ahead for my sweet husband. I am concerned about how this may (or may not) affect him/us down the road. I would be lying if I said I wasn't growing weary with my own health concerns and felt heartbroken as we sat in the doctor's office listening to him say that now we face more. And I so wish that I could carry this load for Bart. I have decided that I {sort of} know how to be the 'sick one' at this point, while he is strong and healthy and encouraging. I hate the thought of him having to take a turn being 'sick'.
And yet.....
Those are two powerful little words, aren't they? And yet, in spite of it all, we KNOW that our God, the God who created the universe, the God who knows the very number of hairs on our heads, has us and this whole situation in the palm of His hand. We don't expect this to be easy. We know that people face challenges all the time and that God certainly allows these things to happen sometimes and we don't always know why. But we know that He uses these situations to allow us to grow, to allow our faith to grow, and often times, He allows us to go through hardships that eventually allow us to help others going through similar situations. We have already seen this come into play, as we've had several people reach out to us who have already been down this road, and who have willingly shared their experiences with us, in an effort to help us through this trial.
We spent Friday evening digesting the news and telling our family. We spent Saturday, just sort of absorbing everything and talking and praying and weighing our options. We spent Sunday morning serving at church (me singing on the worship team and Bart as an usher) and told many in our church family what we are facing. We have been soooooooo blessed by the outpouring of love and support from those around us. We've been so blessed by those who have said, "We WILL NOT STOP PRAYING until you get through this!". There was a moment on Sunday, when I came down off the stage during the response time, so that Bartley and I could be prayed for together, and I lost it. We were being prayed for by one person initially and opened our eyes to discover that we'd been joined by several others and as one dear woman enveloped me in a bear hug, I literally lost it for a minute. I sobbed while she vehemently spoke encouragement in my ear. It was a moment I'll never forget, because it was a moment that God used to speak directly to my heart, through her words, through her kindness. I told Bart that even now, I feel like tears are right at the surface and every time anyone shows me even the smallest kindness, I'm fighting back tears again. I think it's just the element of being a bit overwhelmed by it all. Overwhelmed by how long we've been dealing with my own health issues and now piling on something else. Overwhelmed with the decision that we have to make about how to treat this cancer. Overwhelmed (in a good way) with the kindness of others. Overwhelmed (in a good way) with the knowledge that we are fiercely loved by our Maker and by this dear circle of people around us who are standing in the gap for us during this time. It's so comforting to know that when we run out of words to pray, when we feel overwhelmed, there are others (some of them may be YOU!) who will do just that -- they/you will stand in the gap for us and pray. Words can't even describe how grateful we are for that.
It's for this reason that I would STRONGLY encourage YOU -- if you are going through a struggle, whatever it may be, find people that you can share your struggle with! You don't have to go through it alone! You need people in your life who will lift you up, who will encourage you, who will share their wisdom with you and who will pray for you when you feel at a loss for how to pray for yourself.
I hope you don't mind me sharing my heart with you today. I know this post is super long and wordy, but we knew even as we drove home from the doctor's office, that we needed -- wanted -- to share this news with you. We know that you care. We know that you are so encouraging. We know that you will pray and we appreciate ALL of that. Right now, we would especially ask that you pray for wisdom for us, as we make our decision about which treatment to proceed with.
Before I go, I just wanted to share some scriptures with you that I am taking comfort from this morning. I share them, in case you are going through a struggle too, and could, perhaps, use some comfort yourself. I've highlighted these (and many more!) in my Bible so that when I flip through my Bible, they jump out at me to encourage me! When I was sobbing on that dear friend's shoulder Sunday morning, she said, "HE IS FOR YOU!" She said it twice and it just resonated with me in a way that I almost can't describe. Then, during the second service sermon that morning (I was there for both services since I was singing), the senior pastor (who had not been with us when we were being prayed for) said, "He is for you!" And I thought it so interesting that I would have heard that same phrase 3 times in the same morning. And then, when I was looking up the verses I wanted to share with you today, look what I discovered in Psalms.....
Psalm 56:9-11
...This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid...
He is FOR ME. And He is FOR YOU. He loves us more than we know and He WILL carry us through the tough things that we go through in life, if we'll trust Him. It doesn't mean that things always work out just how we want them to. If that were the case, I would NOT vote for us to be facing ongoing stomach issues and cancer. ;) But I know that He has a plan in all of this. He's using this to grow our faith and to hopefully encourage you as well.
much, much love,
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Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped...
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you...
Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?
Psalm 112:7
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 121:1-2
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? 2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
Lamentations 3:22-25
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” 25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
Romans 5:3-5
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
